The True Measure of a Woman

I finally did something that I feel has been tugging at my heart for a very very long time.  I have always wanted to be a mentor.  But for some reason, I’ve never done it.  Maybe it was fear (something about providing guidance to a young lady, when I haven’t quite figured out who I am, what my purpose is, and other never ending soul-searching issues) kept me from doing it. But now, I’ve realized that it wasn’t just the right time.  It wasn’t God’s time.  But, I think I’m ready now.  I’m so excited.  I’ll be mentoring young girls age 15-18.  The program I’ll be working with is a Christian based organization, and I’m so impressed by what the program offers for young ladies.  Makes me wish I had something like this when I was their age.  But, I figure its things like these that make me want to do this; hopeful make a difference in someone’s life. Plus, this is part of the committment plan that I’ve been working on.

 

As part of the program, the gals will be reading Lisa Bevere’s “The True Measure of a Woman.”  I started reading the book yesterday.  After only the first chapter, I’m stumped.  The first question she asks is: “What is the True Measure of a Woman?” I’ve been thinking about this question all day.  I’m not sure I know what the answer to that question is.  So, if I don’t know what that means, how can I recognize what she embodies? How can I aspire to be something that I do not comprehend? What do I need to change about myself to become that woman? Questions, but no answers.  This is bound to be interesting.

 

 

 

Letter to a Younger Me

Dear Younger Me:

I start out with a caveat- hindsight is 20/20.  I have all the experience of having been you, with the ability to tell you that I wish you knew what i know now.  For the most part, you’d be happy to hear that we did good.  I also know that you are very stubborn, and you probably wouldn’t listen to what I have to say.  But, I’ll say it anyway. 

Always remember that you are beautiful.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image.  If you don’t believe anything else. Remember. This.  I know you experienced some negativity while younger that affected you’re self-esteem.  But, you have to believe that you are a child of God that is made in His image, and God don’t make ugly.  Believe this and it will help you deal with any ugliness that may come you’re way. 

You tend to underestimate yourself.  Gal, you are smart. Don’t overthink it.  You are. You should never minimize yourself to let others around you shine.  Go ahead and shine.

You are a very focused and intense person.  But, you have to learn to exhale.  I know this is probably the hardest thing that you will ever have to do.  You should try it.  I haven’t quite got the hang of it, but I’m working on it.  everyday.

Forgive more.  Life is too short.  Forgive.  Don’t take all things to heart.  Don’t hold onto to grudges (not for too long anyway).  No-one is perfect.  Everyone has flaws (believe it or not, even you).  Not everything is black or white, some things are gray.  It will make it easier to be more understanding and to FORGIVE.

Kiss more frogs.  In time, you’ll discern you’re prince.  Drink (a lot) from the cup of innocent love, with all its sweetness and giddiness.  Oh!  Enjoy those times before love becomes complicated.  Cherish those moments, they will renew you when you need to believe that love is real.  Remember, that the odds are that someone will break you’re heart.  Hard as it may be, search for the lessons.    Love with all you’re heart, but  guard you’re heart.  Not everyone is worthy of your love.

Sustain your relationship with your family.  They are your rock.  And no-one can love you unconditionally like they can.  Be gentle with them.  As hard as it may be, develop a relationship with your mother.  The older you get, you will appreciate her more.  She’s a rock, and you will need her to be there for you.  And she will always pray for you, even when you don’t ask.  If not for that, you are you’re mother’s child, and you will become her.  Hard to believe, but soooo true.

For the most part, I’m proud of you.  I am a result of your choices, and you chose well. 

Of Dreams

Last night I had the strangest dream.  I dreamt that I was pregnant.  Very. Pregnant.  Not the kind of dream where you think that you may be pregnant, or imagine what you would do if you were.  No.  This was a very vivid one where I could feel myself sagging under the immense weight of pregnancy.  I was even waddling the way pregnant women do.  I was admiring my huge belly, which if I must say was pretty cute.  Weird, but there weren’t any other people in the dream, like the daddy or my family.  It was just me, very pregnant.  That’s all i remember though, because my dream was interrupted by my dreaming that I needed to pee, which in reality means I gotta pee.

Subconsciously, I think I’ve figured out the impetus of my pregnancy infused dream.  Lately, I’ve been surrounded by pregnant women, spouses of pregnant women, and women who are actively planning to get pregnant.  I even received a misplaced voice mail from a lady who thought I was her sister, and went ahead to let me know that “grandma had dreamt that she (me) would be having a baby girl, and was very excited, but didn’t want to be called grandma, but nini, cuz grandma would make her feel old.” I laughed my a** off, but I must admit it was kinda eerie. 

Earlier on this week, I was thinking about kids, that is do I want them.  Somehow, I just don’t see them in my life, at least not at the present moment.  See, I just turned 30.  But, I have friends of similar age, and some even younger, who keep telling me how their biological clock is loudly tocking.  For some reason, I just can’t hear the clock. Which is great news, cuz that’s not a feeling I want to experience.  I haven’t been hit by the marriage bug either.  I do know what has hit me though.  I want to be in a serious relationship, that will eventually lead to marriage in the next couple of years.  Just not marriage at this time.  I guess I’m just lonely, and would like to have someone around that I can share my thoughts, dreams, and other mundane day-to-day things that crop up.  Some days I wonder what the point of marriage is (not often though), but lately I’ve realized that for the most part, its all about companionship.  Ofcourse, there’s the procreation part, but that’s really secondary for me at the moment.    ’Nuff of marriage, that’s a post for another day. 

As for the pregnancy part, I know children are a blessing and all, but I’m just not ready to give up my butt-attached-to-the-couch life yet.