Be Cool

Written on Sat. June 28

Last night I met a guy.  I had first noticed him when he entered the restaurant and walked around saying hello to everyone.  Initially, all i thought of him, was he’s choclaty. Nice. Then he spoke and didn’t sound like a complete idiot.  Little did I know that he had already scoped me out.  So, we ended up talking, and for the first time, in a really long time, I didn’t even notice when 2 a.m rolled by.  He’s a decent guy (based on first impressions).  As far as where he lies on “my list” (created a mere two days ago), he has some of the qualities.  He was respectful, he is into his family, he’s intelligent, was a former teacher.  It’s just soooo crazy that we met only a week before I leave town. After we left the club, he called to make sure that I got home safe, and then we ended up talking until 4am.  

But, I am really trying to be cool.  I don’t want to sabotage this and fall flat on my face. The only drawback (and i’m not even sure why it is) is that’s he’s 8 years older than I am.  I think i’m okay with that.  I don’t want to rush any of this.  I want the lessons that I have learn this past year to mean something.  The amount of pain and heartache that I have endured in the last few years are enough to keep me extremely guarded.  I’m happy to have spent time with someone who seems to genuinely dig me. It’s a nice feeling I must admit.  And it really makes me wonder what I’ve been doing with EL.  For the first time in a really long time, I didn’t think of EL. And when i did there was no pain or anger.  More like relief.  Like, thank God he was such a jerk, cuz I probably wouldn’t have recognized what a nice guy looks like.  Even if this doesn’t work out, even if it is a fleeting moment, I am thankful to have met a nice guy who made me feel special and feel that I deserve to be treated this way.  I know God works in mysterious ways (and He has a wonderful sense of humor) – this one seems to be one of them.  Thank you Lord for shining this moment for me.  I truly feel like it will all be okay!