Baggage

I have baggage.  Emotional baggage. There. I admit it.  Every time I think about the baggage that I bring to this relationship, all i can see is Erykah Badu’s bag lady video.  All the ladies in the video were dressed in brightly colored dresses, with matching bags.  In the first stanza, Badu belts ” bag lady, you gonna hurt back, dragging them bags like that.” Bag lady, you gonna miss your bus, carrying them bags like that.” That’s me.  Loading up my bag with past hurts and pains.  Believing that the next one will just be like the last one.  Waiting for the shoe to drop.  Subconsciously sabotaging a relationship by picking fights, so that if he leaves, then you could always say, see i told you so, he’s just like everyone else.  I won’t lie, when someone breaks your heart, you lose the ability to just be. You are constantly watching your back.  I am punishing L (aka the new guy in my life) for the pain i have gone through.  Seriously, I need to stop this.  The one great thing about L is that he is so thoughtful that he’s somehow, without too much effort, helping me get over my past.  But, i do have a lot of work to do.  Only I can make the decision on whether I will allow my past to dictate my future.  But, i’m so grateful to have a man whose making it easier.  Hat off to you, L!